(Nimue Brown and James Weaselgrease)

Those are actual eyes in there, not just decorative ones. But whose eyes are they? Whose eyes would you put in a pudding? 

We’ll come back to what kind of eyes. First, let us set the scene. Imagine The Crow, on a damp and uninviting Tuesday afternoon, on a day when everyone is unreasonably bored. The stew had been beaten into submission, the things in the cups had been chased to the point of tedium and no one wanted any more of the slightly soapy cake Mrs Ephemery kept offering them.

“Have you ever had ice cream?” a more recent arrival enquired.

Of course those words were unfamiliar in islander ears and were misinterpreted as a consequence. But Jemmy Vizor – the aforementioned new arrival –  had spotted some tall glasses that were clearly meant for sundaes and enthused in all innocence about the glory of a cool pudding in a tall glass.

Within half an hour, a few intrepid souls (Nob Chevin, Third Chevin and Spork Chevin) were busily putting eyes in a tall glass. Unfortunately the eyes in question belonged to a number of rather youthful and innocent agents of change who did not realise their peril until it was rather late in the proceedings.

By an odd coincidence, the consumers of the eyes scream were rather young and misguided humans who also did not realise their peril until rather late in the proceedings.

This dish was created using whatever milk could be obtained. There is a distinct possibility it was donkey milk. While agents of change floating in donkey milk does not look intrinsically that attractive, the descriptions of sweet and luscious eyes scream had the young Chevins willing to try.

The most usual consequence of eating an agent of change, is transformation. It’s an unpredictable process at the best of times. Eating an entire glassful is ill advised. In fairness, Third Chevin looked rather unusual before all of this and there are those of us who say that what happened to his nose was a great improvement. Nob Chevin is now even less likely to be able to play the harmonium. Spork Chevin ripped in two and both parts then fled into the sea.

Eyes Scream will remain on the menu at The Crow until further notice.