Category Archives: News Item

The ghastly fate of Barry Lupin

Barry Lupin had an unhealthy passion for systems. He had come from some distant and exotic land where the natives pracriced such curious rituals as filing. Although ostensibly he spoke English, he dropped strange and arcane words of uncertain provenance into his conversations. Systems analysis. Research protocol. Data retrieval. He spoke these terms with such conviction that members of the Scientific Society who had no idea what he meant felt obliged to just nod their heads respectfully.

The trouble with having a passion for filing paperwork, is that this necessitates having some kind of paper supply. Hopeless has never been a place where paper making has ever occurred in significant quantities. The ‘imports’ available through shipwrecks often leave a lot to be desired for quality and may have already been written on. While Frampton Jones has always supported the Scientific Society, that support has never included a desire to sacrifice his constantly recycled paper supplies for them.

And so it was that Barry Lupin came to the pragmatic decision that he had best paint the walls of his house black so as to be able to write on them with chalk. He was certainly not the first person to go for the squid-based wall blackening, although more normally this would have involved cult membership or occult aspirations. Barry just wanted a viable paper substitute. Thereafter, he was able to plan out his systems, protocols, methodology and other record keeping theories, washing ideas away when he had explored them to their limits and discussing them at length with his bemused friends.

In his tiny, precise handwriting, Barry slowly covered the walls of his home in observations, ordered according to the systems he had so thoughtfully planned. His stairway became a catalogue of dustcat observations. The bedroom he filled with things he had witnessed that defied physics and all of his calculations relating to those circumstances. In the living room he made notes upon the noises he heard around the house at night but could not explain. The first few remarks having been written in jest, he became increasingly obsessed with this subject.

One evening in the early part of winter his friends found him, writing the leter A over and over again across his exposed and painted floorboards. He would not speak to them, and when he had run out of floor he simply continued into the garden. None of them could stop his slow and crawling departure into the woods. Although to be fair, the trio who found him were so confused by his behaviour that they did not greatly exert themselves and instead observed the scene carefully in case future notes were required.

Only later did they explore the house, tracing the relentless ‘A’s back to their point of origin in the phrase ‘the horror, the horror, I am screaming all the time I write this.’

(With thanks to Andy Arbon for loaning us his face!)

Hopeless, Maine returns to North America with Outland Entertainment

Hello people! (and others)

We can now reveal that Hopeless, Maine is returning to North America with Outland Entertainment! The first two volumes will be printed and released soon, along with illustrated prose novels by Nimue Brown and Keith Errington and the Hopeless, Maine RPG is in development and may well be out at the same time. Here is the press release! 

Cover art – collaboration between Nimue and myself.

In which we receive tentacles

The lovely Mark Hayes has generously given us many tentacles! (and reviewed the latest volume of Hopeless, Maine while he was at it!)

Better still (if such a thing can be imagined) he has put us in company with two of our favourite authors- Meredith Debonnaire  and Craig Hallam!

You will want to read it now, I expect. Well, you have only to click on the lovely tentacles in order to do so.

 

Tales from Tantamount.

We have *very* exciting news for you today. (Unless you are reading this in the past or the future, in which case the news is equally exciting, but your “today” will be different from ours)

Meredith Debonnaire is nearly ready to release Tales from Tantamount. She talks about it-here.

We would be guilty of a great understatement if we were just to say that we were massively chuffed about this. Meredith is one of our favourite writers and also one of our favourite humans. Additionally,  Tales fromTantamount is mad and glorious and fiendishly clever.  Tantamount is twinned with Hopeless, Maine for obvious reasons. You will also recall her “Finding Hopeless, Maine” earlier on the Vendetta (again, temporal confusion is always a possibility) Nimue and I did the cover art for this earlier in the year, and it was not a job, so much as fan art really, because we are hardcore fans, make no mistake about it.

In short-SQUEEE!!!!!

Arcane Armoury – Hopeless, Maine Branch

Hello people! (and others)

When we started all of this, years and years ago, we had a lot of visions of what it all might, one day, look like. We imagined music and comics, books, a creative tribe, and other artists and craftspeople coming and playing and co-creating with us. No plastic tatt but individual things made with care by human(?) hands. Well, another part of that original dream is becoming manifest, and I take this opportunity to introduce you to one of the most skilled/creative makers of things I have had the pleasure of meeting, and welcome him to the island. There are several new Hopeless, Maine inspired artifacts being planned and one that is already in process. We’re silly amounts of excited!

HM-Welcome to the Island Matt! I assume you’ve been warned about your chances of getting to leave at all-ever) Would you like to introduce yourself to the townspeople here assembled? There are rumors that your powers of invention rival even those of Balthazar Lemon (but involve less fish)

M-Greetings!I should like to introduce myself to all gathered here, as some of you may have heard I am Matt Inkel sole artisan Arcane Armoury.

As for my skills in regard to Mr. Lemon, I couldn’t possibly comment ..lest to say I would like to meet said gentleman and discuss our crafts further…

HM-What (in heaven’s name!) attracted you to the island? (Hoping you were not lured by those mermaids that Doc Willoughby nearly fell prey to)

M-What drew me here, you ask?

Well, like many it was never my intention to wash up on this sombre little Isle ..but it seems fate has a curious sense of humour and an even more curious plan for us all… Alas I am not at home on the sea at the best of times and following an evening stroll around the mist laden deck a mixture of unsure footing and gravity decided that the icy water would be my bed for the night .. I tried in vain to alert the crew but the thick fog obscured me and all I could do was watch helplessly as the light of the crows nest fled into the shadows of the night… For a brief moment the waters were calm and silent …and then ripples came.. surfacing around me like tremors in the water, from the stillness below the pressure of something large rising…looking down I saw nothing but my own distorted reflection in the black glass of the ocean….Now..priding myself as logical fellow I quickly decided that “away” was the best place to be and set off towards a glow in the mist…. after maybe 20mins and being brushed past by nameless things in the deep I dragged myself ashore to the east of what I now know to be the lighthouse and so here I am.

HM-Would you like to show us some of your work, and tell us about it at all? Anything that would be good for holding unspeakable things at bay? (asking for a friend)

M- I have long been a maker of things from models for architects and stage to devices for exhibition, moving pictures and conventions .. I take commissions to build the weird and wonderful and will gladly turn my hand to anything I feel I can execute to with suitable degree of success. And I take great joy in learning new skills to bring to the table.

As yet I have not found the need to build anything to hold the unspeakable things of which you..er.. speak!.. But surely in my time upon this island and especially after my brush with whatever dwells beneath the waterline ..I suspect it will not be long before a device of containment is required with some urgency… as to the length of my stay? With the hazards of the water, I feel some form of airship may be my best route of this perplexing place you call home.

Id, like to thank you all for your kind hospitality to this stranger among you and rest, assured I shall attempt to repay it as best suits my means, I look forward to working with you all.

HM- Thank you Matt, and welcome to the island! We’ll have to go to the Squid and Teapot for a pint and discuss various plans and schemes.

You can see more of Matt’s (bloody amazing) work-here.

 

 

 

 

From the writings of Salacia Went

From the writings of Salacia Went, Hopeless, Maine.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change”. The accuracy of Darwin’s words becomes more evident by the day. Since the ship bearing me to the new world was slain by a fateful storm and I woke on boards briny and broken, spitting the sand of this place from my mouth, I have seen adaption and I have seen failure lead to death. For the mist-wrapped isle of Hopeless, Maine is magnificent in its cruelty.

Another quote springs to my mind, as fragments of the world outside of this one often do.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

Although I am certain that even the formidable mind of Madame Curie would have found Hopeless confounding, I take her words and hold them close and make them my mantra. For there is much to be feared here. Much to be understood.

Many others strive to understand the island and its ecosystem. The local botanist, Miss Nightshade, has already catalogued the local flora, how the heads of flowers and grasping fronds turn to follow you as you pass by, their shapes and scents and their uses if they can be subdued. Reverend Davies is known to have taken copious notes on the fleetingly corporeal fauna of the island, their indistinct forms and devious intentions. Frampton Jones records images of whatever spectacles he can with the infernal photographic contraption that he constantly hauls around like some journalistic Sisyphus. It seems only right that I turn my own hand to recording some aspect of Hopeless’ singular ecology.

And so, I turn my gaze skyward. To the astronomy of this place. A study that could take several lifetimes, I am certain, as there seems little to compare between these skies and those of my long-lost home. What was once a hobby has become my contribution to the island. For the skies of Hopeless are as perplexing and dangerous as everything beneath them.

The first observation of note: There is no sun here. Daytime is defined by a dim glow which passes overhead, filtered through dense cloud cover of some strange composition which taints the light, creating a diffuse sepia tone to the clouds, the air, the wan faces of my companions.

And yet, the nights are so clear. The clouds draw back as a great iris might open and the stars are revealed.

When first I began my study of these skies, I made new drawings each night, filling books and books with notable celestial markers, waiting for an inevitable cycle to show itself, a pattern to emerge.

It never did.

By my reckoning, I have lived on Hopeless for three years now and what nightly performance appears above our heads when the light fades bears no resemblance to any sane celestial calendar. One might describe the study of astronomy here more as drawing from a vast deck of cards.

However, there are observable relations between what happens above and below. Effects that my scientific mind shudders to describe as astrological. And so, I have done as Mr Darwin suggests. I have adapted. My telescope is a tool of divination. My notes have become the scribbled ramblings of occultists. My observations feverish and predictions far too accurate for the comfort of my old self.

Perhaps the most prominent of these, as the phenomenon is hard to miss, is the frequency of eclipses. While a rare enough occurrence in the old world, in Hopeless total solar and lunar eclipses happen several times a year although the former remain only vaguely observable through heavy clouds. As I have come to expect, there is no calculable design to their frequency, unless you consider that the moon simply makes up its mind to visit the sun as it pleases.

The effect on the populace is akin to mild annoyance, but for newer arrivals the phenomenon can be disconcerting if only for the fact that they plunge the island into complete darkness at seemingly random intervals.

An occurrence of particular note comes from the attendees of the birthday party of Hilde Parks, orphan of the Pallid Rock Orphanage. The locals report that, upon blowing out her candles, Hilde made a wish. A series of eclipses proceeded to occur in time with the pointed opening and closing of Hilde’s eyes, much to her amusement and the maniacal screams of the other Hopeless residents. However, once Hilde told everyone what her wish had been, the phenomenon ceased. This event set the record for daily eclipses at fourteen.

Although I could happily list hundreds of similar and entirely different spectacles, the Firefly Constellation is the next most obvious to discuss. Known only as a constellation by the loosest association, several times over the last few years, this swarm of lights has passed over Hopeless. Characterised by twenty or more softly glowing motes which are far too high for it to simply be its namesake. Notes of this phenomenon’s direction do not align with the observed behaviours associated with migration patterns of even Hopeless’ strange fauna.

The effect on the populace is a rare sense of wellbeing among observers, if only as it stands as a sign that there still remains somewhere outside of Hopeless for such things (whatever they may be) to travel to and from.

A particularly perplexing celestial feature is the occurrence of the Myriad Constellation. If this is indeed one constellation or many with similar traits remains to be seen, as the myriad constellation shifts when observed. When viewed from the corner of the eye, the constellation appears as a cluster of nine high-to-medium intensity stars. However, upon closer observation through a telescope, the myriad shifts, defying close observation or notation as to the true positions of the stars.

While the Myriad remains above, the locals have been observed to exhibit oddly transient behaviours. These nights have the streets of Hopeless somewhat busy no matter the hour. People move back and forth between each other’s homes, and some wander off into the woods. Of course, with what we know of the dangers of the wild places on the island, very few return.

Finally, I think it imperative to mention what I maintain to be the most dangerous of Hopeless’ celestial events. Although it manifests rarely, it is one which fills me with dread. For, on those rare nights when the light dies over our island and the clouds withdraw to reveal the Cuttlefish Constellation, the island becomes even more mysterious.

Beginning as a rift of shadow even darker than the void of space around it, at first the Cuttlefish Constellation appears to have scared away any other stars. Then, they begin to appear. Within that fissure of darkness, points of multicoloured light manifest. Truly a spectacle of petrifying beauty, the stars seem to pulse through spectrum after spectrum, often drawing the eye toward terrible colours which the human eye should never behold. And still, they move. They multiply as they undulate in waves of hypnotic beauty. And every eye on the island, although they might try everything in their power not to do so, turns upward.

I cannot describe, illustrate or begin to comprehend what happens next, for no one knows. We all awake in our beds, aching as if from a night of long toil, heads pounding as if we’ve all drank the Squid and Teapot dry.

It is on those occasions when I scoff at Madame Curie’s beloved words. For some things are beyond the understanding by mortal minds, and any sane person should fear them.–

Art by Tom Brown

We have been waiting to welcome Craig Hallam to our dark shores for some years now, as we are great fans of his work. (and we hope this will not be his last visit) We can recommend *all* of his fiction.  His Alan Shaw series is worthy of special mention (and he is working on the final book in that sequence now)  Go here to find out more.

Uncle Petunia Chevin

Here , in the pages of the Hopeless, Vendetta we have not had a clear and successful reproduction of what Frampton Jones informs us is to be referred to as a “Photographic image” and not, as we have been saying, “infernal magic, AAAHHHHHHGGG” Previous experiments along these lines resulted in strange unsettling images festooned with tentacles and lead to a brief period of madness for Mr. Jones. (which we understand he may have mostly recovered from) This image was taken with a newly discovered (In some wreckage off shipwreck bay) camera device. (which we are keeping away from Mr. Jones for his safety and ours)

On discovering that the new camera does work, Herb Chevin decided that it was well past time that there was a portrait of his dear old uncle Petunia Chevin. Unfortunately, uncle Petunia died some twelve years ago, Herb (who was clearly determined) found the family grave behind the barn and dug him up. At least, he is fairly certain it was Petunia. It’s really sort of a family mass grave, or really, just a pit near the compost pile.  (but with a stone on it!) After identifying the skull of his beloved ancestor, (probably)Herb brought it into the house and set it on a book to pose for the photographic image. He says that his uncle loved books. He could not read (being a Chevin) but was not great in stature and in order to reach his food at table was obliged to sit on several of them.

Here we see the results in all their glory. It really does capture all of the charm and social graces of the late Petunia.

___________________________________________________________________________

Right! Back to what *may* be the real world. Time to break the fourth wall and speak to you as …me. (and I am largely nonfictional, as I understand things) Nimue and I met an amazing couple at Timequake. They were taking and developing actual tintypes or, more specifically, wet plate collodion photography. These photos were just beautiful artifacts on glass or tin.  Gregg McNeill’s passion for the process was contagious and there was always a long line in front of their table. (Unsurprisingly)

I managed to talk to him and ask if I might use one of his images in the Vendetta and he graciously gave us permission.

If you wish to see more (and if you are the sort of person who reads Hopeless, Maine, you probably will) you would be well advised to go here.

 

I hope (as always) this finds you well, inspired and thriving.

 

Master Scutcheon’s Hairy Coffee

Master Scutcheon Bugleblower of Hopeless Maine has recently released a new beverage from his coffee concoctionary (otherwise known as his cellar). Master Scutcheon is well known for his Brown Lining coffee shop, where he has sold many strange and very brown coffees to the unfortunate souls who were lured in by the promise of ‘Genuine Coffee Liquid in A Cup’.

This new beverage has been named by Master Scutcheon as ‘Hairy Coffee’. After having left a cup of coffee lying about for several weeks and accidentally sprinkling exotic fungi spores into it, Scutcheon found himself confronted one morning by a large cup coated with hair, underneath which when he had managed to summon up enough gumption, he found lurking some coffee whose taste sent him into an ‘exquisite reverie’ that made him fall in love with coffee again and renew his vows to the Goddess Kafeteria.

Scutcheon then proceeded to find out how he had created this hairy coffee and having spent several months obsessively perfecting the right amount of fungi spores needed to create the ideal coating of hair, he finally announced from his shop door the dawn of a new age in coffee culture. Scutcheon has strong views about what constitutes real coffee, which he proudly tells anyone who asks, were passed down from his grandmother. Real coffee as he believes is all about the Brown Lining. This he will not elaborate on, so zealous is he about keeping his coffee recipes secret, but as drinkers of his coffee will tell you: ‘Brown and more brown, combining into a strata of solid brownness upon which you can rotate your finger for up to a minute without anything giving way’ often is what you find Scutcheon making and serving you.

A Hairy Coffee public trial day was held last week at the Brown Lining, where Scutcheon appeared apparelled unfailingly in his brown matching breeches, jacket, waistcoat, and tricorn hat. Several individuals participated, whether they were tricked into it or chose out of their own will, is as yet unknown. The Hairy Coffee was reverentially served with several of his stale biscuits from the bottom of the tin. At the time of the drinking Scutcheon gave a libation to the Goddess Kafeteria, and then he began to chew meditatively on one of his finest stale biscuits, enjoying the sound from the kitchen of his huge greasy coffee vat slowly congealing. The Hairy Coffee was particularly hairy that morning.

 

(By Robin Collins- art by Tom Brown)

Recently discovered residents of Hopeless, Maine!

New residents discovered!

Hopeless, Maine sits in a particularly cold and damp pocket of Casco bay and is hardly a tropical isle. Thanks to the efforts of two recently discovered residents though, it has just become much, much cooler.

Derek Dubery and Lisa Cunningham-Black have heroically donned Hopeless, Maine attire and done a series of photos for us. We (it hardly needs to be said) are over the mist-enshrouded moon.

So, without further ado, please allow me to introduce you to our new found islanders, they are “Captain” Jerrimiah Thomson Flynn and Bonnie Black. (It’s unknown whether the Captain title is genuine or not) If Bonnie and Clyde were to have been born off the coast of Maine, it likely would have been these two. The Captain has at some point in his “career” led a group of local brigands, but they have disappeared under suspicious circumstances. Not long after this, he was seen in the constant company of the young lady pictured. When asked their feelings regarding the underground residents of the island, they expressed a willingness to go “which ever way the wind blows”.

This reporter is not entirely certain they can be trusted, but they are certainly stimulating company.

 

Local Woman Takes The Plunge

artistLOCAL WOMAN TAKES THE PLUNGE AND OPENS GALLERY OUT ON GEEZO’S BIGHT

Local artist, Fuschia Van Der Hvergulmir, has taken the plunge and opened a gallery out on the small bay known as Geezo’s Bight which is situated on the northern coast of Hopeless.

The designer, who has previously had her work exhibited in the town hall, makes jewelry and ‘objets d’art’ from items that she discovers in the pit near Geezo’s Bight.

‘I’ve been exploring the pit for a few years now’ Mrs Van Der Hvergulmir told Frampton Jones of the Vendetta ‘ I used to beach comb but that became problematic when an albino seal (at least I think it was a seal) got very territorial and took to chasing me away every time I went down to the beach.’

‘Then I discovered the pit when out for a walk with my husband and our dog, Pepper. I still haven’t got to the bottom of it yet!’ She laughs.

Mrs Van Der Hvergulmir said that she and her husband Glenn thought long and hard about opening her own gallery given the current bleak economic outlook, but decided she would regret it if she did not at least try.

‘I’m really excited’ she said.

“I’ve had a really positive response – fellow businesses have been particularly supportive – and so far we have had five customers since we opened our doors three months ago.’

Mrs  Van Der Hvergulmir has built a workshop at the back of the gallery so she can make jewelery while being on hand for customers.

The jewelry and ‘pieces’ themselves are somewhat hard to describe given the strange quality of the materials used. This reporter particularly liked a crouching figure made from a sort of crumbly pumice stone entitled ‘Lier-in-wait’ and also a necklace made of a dark viscous substance that gives off a dull brown radiance.

The Van Der Hvergulmir Gallery produces one-off commissions, including engagement rings and is open to the public on Saturday between the hours of 1.00pm to 3.00pm.

(This Vendetta contribution was written by Charles Cutting, of http://charlescutting.com/ author and illustrator of the most excellent graphic novel – Kadath. Art on this piece by Tom Brown.)