Tag Archives: fabric

Hopeless Maine Artifacts

Lotus Fabric

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Erek Vaehne suggests lotus stems as raw material for fabric. What could possibly go wrong?

LOTUS:  Lotus flower fiber from the root of the lotus plant has been used for centuries to produce rare fabrics used in hand-spun scarves. The process, in which the stems of the lotus are cut and twisted to expose the fibers, is however time-consuming. The process produces a luxurious fabric that feels like a combination of silk and raw linen. Lotus fabric has unique properties — it is naturally soft, light, breathable and antibacterial. Cambodia-based Samatoa Lotus Textiles reports the Lotus plant is believed to have healing abilities, and wearing a fabric made using the fibers lotus fibers may have healing effects curing the wearer of headaches, heart ailments, asthma and lung issues.

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There was a man in the pub. Yes, I know no good outcomes ever follow from an opening line about buying something from a man in a pub, but I traded one of my little cows for a sack of beans. The man in the pub said that they were lotus beans and that I could eat what they grew and make coats out of the stems.

Now, coats are hard to come by, especially ones that aren’t thin at the elbows, greasy about the shoulders and entirely the wrong size. So the idea of a bean that would grow me a coat seemed really clever to me. I thought I’d go into business, selling bean coats.

So I planted the beans, and took care of them, told them stories of an evening and laid out circles of broken crockery and pine needles around them to protect them from curses. Beans are delicate like that. 

They didn’t grow me any coats though. I watched them every day, waiting for that first coat bud to show, and when I got my first buds I was so excited. Such a wonderful, jolly colour. But when it opened up it wasn’t a coat at all, it was this funny looking fish thing. A bit like a spiny whiney badger faced black bean, only more scaley. Pretty, mind you. Didn’t try to bite me.

So I’m trying my hand at making shoes out of fish leather instead, I reckon that’ll be dead popular once I can get rid of the smell.

Hopeless Maine Artifacts

Dressed all in feathers

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Erek Vaehne suggests that feathers might be suitable for making clothes for islanders:

“FEATHERS:  Chicken feathers are composed mostly of keratin, the same kind of protein found in wool. The researchers are specifically interested in their barbs and barbules, the stringy network that makes up the fluffy parts of the feather, which may have a similar feel on the skin as wool. “More than 4 billion pounds of chicken feathers are produced worldwide per year, about 50 percent of the weight of which is made of the barbs,” Yang said. The researchers investigated the physical properties of these filaments and found they possessed a sturdy honeycomb architecture containing tiny air pockets, which make them extremely lightweight and resilient. They could possibly serve as an improvement over wool due to their low cost, light weight and excellent heat and sound insulation, Yang said. However, he added they are not ready to make fibers from chicken feathers yet.”

Simon Erstwhile Jones sits in a small shed on his family farm, chewing feathers. He has been doing this for some years now, and if he ever stops or leaves, no one else sees him do so. If the pile of feathers runs low, he becomes agitated and starts to assume his Owl Man form. To stop this from happening, a team of children take it in turns to gather feathers for him. Fortunately, the feather chewing is a slow process, and chicken feathers are usually in good supply.

He chews the feathers carefully, taking them one at a time. When he is done, he spits them out again. For most of that first year of chewing, his family simply provided buckets for him to spit his outpourings into, and then emptied those soggy remnants into the midden.

Temerity Jones is the person responsible for inventing the second stage of the process. There is now a small and less slovenly shed close to where Simon Erstwhile Jones sits and chews. In that second shed, buckets of chewed feathers are emptied out, and there, Temerity hammers them. It is an intense process, involving not only the chewed feathers, but Temerity’s famous seaweed tonic – that never knowingly proved useful in any other scenario. The feathers are beaten into flatness. The tonic is applied, and the feathers are beaten again.

What results is a solid sort of fabric that you would not voluntarily wear against your skin. It does keep the rain out though, and repels insects, and people. And chickens. Chickens most especially.

Hopeless Maine Artifacts

Making clothes from coffee

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Erek Vaehne has been exploring the kinds of things islanders might be able to make clothes out of. This week, we explore coffee…

“COFFEE GROUNDS:  Fabric made using discarded coffee grounds is one example of an interesting textile innovation. Two companies are offering such products. Germany-based sneaker brand Nat-2™ recently debuted a sneaker that smells like coffee made using repurposed coffee grounds. The sneakers feature up to 50 percent recycled coffee grounds depending on the style, which produces a smooth and fine texture, according to the company. The type of coffee used varies upon sustainable availability. Taiwan-based Singtex Industrial Co. Ltd.’s S.Café® yarn is made using coffee grounds. The patented yarn manufacturing process maximizes the functional performance capacity of the coffee grounds. Singtex’s technology combines the processed coffee grounds and polymer to create master batches before spinning it into yarn. The company reports the yarn offers excellent natural anti-odor qualities, ultraviolet protection and fast drying times up to 200-percent faster than drying times for cotton.”

Coffee is a tricky subject for islanders and one I’ve delved into before – https://hopelessvendetta.wordpress.com/2023/01/22/the-hideous-truth-about-coffee/

However, it was only a matter of time before the good people of Hopeless stared mournfully into their especially hairy coffee mugs and wondered. Could there be something better to do with the hair than putting it in our mouths? The sensation was unsettling at best, all that waving silky threadiness, even if it did give you a lift, of sorts. 

Hairy coffee can be harvested quickly, especially if grown in large, open trays where it gets more room and light. The threads are best harvested at about eight inches in length – longer than that and they are too fragile for use. It takes great care and patience to spin them into a more substantial yarn, but it can indeed be done. Thread can then be woven or knitted at need.

At present, this is a highly experimental fabric type. There are three known hairy coffee jumpers at large on the island. They are said to be warm and very soft, but you should not wear them at night as they will make you go down to the sea and sing filthy songs to mermaids. At least according to Idris Po, who assures us this is why he was recently found doing so. Until further research has been undertaken, it may be safest not to make blankets out of hairy coffee threads. But then, we’ve been saying for a while that hairy coffee probably isn’t safe to drink and yet people see hairy coffee and continue to be willing to imbibe it.