Tag Archives: night soil man

Hopeless Tales, Tales from the Squid and Teapot

Ghastly Green

Leave a comment

By Martin Pearson

Except for the gifts of starry-grabby pies, bottles of ‘Old Colonel’ ale and the occasional notes promising undying love, all left on his doorstep by Philomena Bucket, Rhys Cranham led a solitary life. The overpowering stench of the Night-Soil Man was enough to deter even the most evil of creatures, so human company was rarely a real possibility. Once, not so long ago, Rhys had employed a succession of apprentices, but fate had claimed them all. And while Drury, the skeletal hound, happily scampered along beside him, and the ghostly Miss Calder sometimes indulged in a spot of clumsy flirtation, it was not really the same as having the companionship of another flesh-and-blood person. Then, one day, Brigadier Reginald Fitzhugh Hawkesbury-Upton appeared on the island, with his many eccentricities, a love of walking and no sense of smell whatsoever. The Night-Soil Man at last had someone to talk to.

Regular readers may recall that Reggie had recently volunteered for the role of postman for the island of Hopeless, Maine. This enthusiasm had been spawned by his discovery of a Victorian postal worker’s uniform, which had been carefully stowed away in a corner of the Hopeless Museum. The red livery had immediately reminded him of his far-off days in India, when he was an officer in the British army. In those days a bright red coat with shiny brass buttons was the true mark of a soldier. Reggie had always had a soft spot for a smart uniform, and, if the truth is to be told, the chance to wear it was the sole reason for his interest in the job. It was fortunate, therefore, that being the island’s postman was by no means an arduous mode of employment, for few islanders had the resources, or indeed the will, to communicate with anyone who stood further away than spitting distance. When his services were required, however, Reggie would don his uniform and ensure that his delivery coincided with the Night-Soil Man’s round, when the two would venture out into the night, chatting amiably while Drury, as ever, rattled alongside.

“Reggie, There’s no great rush to get it delivered, but I’ve got a package for Neville, the hermit who lives on the far side of the island.”

Reggie looked at the small parcel that Philomena held.

“A hermit, eh? I can’t say that I’ve heard of the chap,” said Reggie.

“Not many have,” replied Philomena. “He likes it that way. That is why he’s a hermit.”

“Each to his own,” said Reggie, who was far too sociable to even contemplate such an existence.

“It’s only a couple of books from the attic,” said Philomena.  “Plus a few tallow candles. The nights are beginning to draw in.”

Reggie nodded absently. He had not really noticed. It was his first year on Hopeless, and he had barely registered any difference in the unfolding seasons.

“Rhys will know where he lives,” he said. “I’ll see when he is going out that way, and will take it over.”

Philomena thanked him and smiled wistfully, thinking how lucky Reggie was, being able to accompany Rhys whenever he wanted to. If all had gone to plan she would be married to the Night-Soil Man by now. He had been ready to resign from the role and pass the lidded-bucket and ceremonial shovel on to his apprentice, Naboth Scarhill. On the day of their wedding, however, Naboth had been viciously killed, and all dreams of wedded bliss had to be put on hold. No replacement apprentice had come forth, as yet, and it would take at least a year, or maybe two, to train a new lad properly.

“I know where the hermit lives,” said Rhys, later that evening. “It’s on a bit of the island called Ghastly Green.”

“Ghastly Green?” said Reggie. “That does not sound too pleasant.”

“It’s even worse than that,” replied Rhys. “Put it this way, it’s more ghastly than it is green. I think that’s why he chooses to live there. Even by Hopeless standards, it’s fairly inhospitable.”

“Live in a cave, does he, this hermit chap?” asked Reggie.

“Anything but,” laughed Rhys. “It’s a gaunt old Gothic place. It looks more like a mausoleum than a house. I have no idea who built it, or why.”

“It sounds delightful,” said Reggie, without enthusiasm.

“I’m due to service a couple of places not too far from there,” said Rhys. “Ghastly Green would not be too far out of our way. We could go tomorrow night.”

“Capital,” said Reggie. “I will dust off the uniform.”

As arranged, late on the following evening, Reggie, resplendent in his postman’s livery, turned up on the Night-Soil Man’s doorstep, and with Drury in tow, they set off, just as the full moon was struggling up from the ocean and into the misty sky. At Philomena’s insistence, nestling next to Neville’s parcel, Reggie had stowed some bottles of Old Colonel and a whole starry-grabby pie in his pouch. That should keep them going. It would be a long walk to Ghastly Green, and Rhys did not envisage them being there much before midnight.

As Rhys had promised, Ghastly Green was indeed ghastly, and not remotely green. He had not lied about the hermit’s house resembling a mausoleum, either. It sat, in all of its decaying splendour, in a small copse of sinister-looking spindly trees. Several poorly sculpted statues graced the crumbling portico that more resembled the entrance to a tomb than someone’s home.  In the pale moonlight the building’s weathered stonework, generously festooned in ivy, gleamed a ghostly grey. A dim, yellow glimmer glowed sullenly through a small arched window.

The two men stood motionless in the eerie silence. Even Drury remained stock-still. It was as if a spell had been cast.

The quiet of the night was suddenly broken by the sound of urgent tapping, close by.

“What was that?” asked Reggie.

Drury growled.

“Look,” whispered Rhys.

Perched on the head of a statue, long rendered featureless by time and weather, was a huge raven, looking as old and black as the night itself. Slowly the raven inclined its head toward them and fixed the trio with a malevolent stare. Then it flapped its great wings and croaked ominously.

“I may be mistaken,” whispered Reggie, “but that croak sounded distinctly like a word.”

“It did,” agreed Rhys.

“And did it say what I thought it said?”  

“I think that it might have,” agreed Rhys.

Reggie looked at the Night-Soil Man uncomfortably,

“Finish the line for me Rhys, or please tell me that I am wrong,” he said.

“Quoth the raven…”

“Nevermore!”

To be continued…

Hopeless Tales, Tales from the Squid and Teapot

The Scent of Change

Leave a comment

For some months, following the disappearance of Philomena Bucket and Doctor Dee, Drury had been conspicuous by his absence. While this was a cause of celebration for some, there were others who missed the sight of the old rogue rattling around the island, chasing spoonwalkers, stealing washing from the line and causing general mayhem wherever he went. There were many who came to the conclusion that he had gone looking for Philomena, and to some degree they were correct; the truth was that he had been spending all of his time with Rhys Cranham, the Night-Soil Man. Rhys and Drury had, under cover of darkness, scoured the island looking for the barmaid, becoming ever more despondent when, with each passing day, all hope of her being found grew less. The Night-Soil Man, by necessity, was a natural recluse and was rarely seen in daylight at the best of times. As days turned to weeks, and weeks to months, Drury never left his side, for these two, in their own, individual ways, loved Philomena more than any other creature on earth, and found some small crumbs of comfort in the company of each other.  

A year and one day passed by before Philomena was once more seen on Hopeless. While her return surprised everyone, no one was more bemused by the event than the lady herself, who thought that she had only been away for a few minutes. Although there was a certain amount of curiosity as to where she had been for all of that time, Philomena feigned amnesia. She instinctively sensed that it was best that few knew of the existence of the tunnels, coiling deep beneath The Squid and Teapot, and, at their heart, the mystical cavern that presented a different scene with each visit. Only Bartholomew Middlestreet and Norbert Gannicox were aware of their existence, but neither man suspected that Philomena had returned there, following the revelation that she was a vessel for a deep and ancient magic.

At the insistence of Bartholomew and his wife Ariadne, a celebration was to be held in Philomena’s honour the very next week. There was a great deal to organise, invitations to be sent out, and little time in which to do so. It occurred to Philomena that the one person she wished to be at the celebration would be unlikely to turn up, or, indeed, be welcomed by most. It saddened her that the noxious odour, which pervaded the air around the Night-Soil Man, excluded him from all aspects of island life. Nevertheless, next to Drury, he was Philomena’s best friend, having saved her life when she first came to the island, and she was determined to pay him a visit and, at least, let him know that she was alive and well.

Standing on the pathway, outside the Night-Soil Man’s cottage, Philomena slipped a clothes –peg on to her nose, hoping to negate, to some extent, the inevitable reek that would doubtless assail her nostrils when Rhys came to the door. She took a deep breath and tapped lightly on the open window.

Rhys, exhausted from his night’s work, was fast asleep. Drury, on the other hand, was only dozing, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before, as Edgar Allan Poe would certainly have said, had he been there. Despite this, the dog’s phantom ears were always ready to detect the slightest noise. The tapping on the window caused him to raise his head. For some reason the House at Poo Corner, as the Night-Soil Man’s home was known, had recently become attractive to a particularly decrepit member of the Corvidae family, a fact which pleased Drury not at all. He was in no mood for the annoying tapping that invariably announced the presence of that ghastly, grim and ancient raven, and decided to put a stop to things once and for all.

“Nevermore!” he thought to himself, as he threw his bony old body against the window, which, as I mentioned earlier, was fortunately open.

Instead of finding himself lying on top of an angry pile of black feathers, as he had planned, Drury looked down into the pale face of Philomena Bucket. For a split second he failed to register exactly who it was that he had careered into. Then he went berserk.

Philomena felt the dog’s wet tongue slobbering excitedly all over her face, before realising that his fundamental lack of saliva glands, and indeed, a tongue, made this impossible. Could this extra-sensitivity be part of the newly-released magic? She had no chance to consider the matter further, however, as Drury danced around her, barking happily, in a state of high excitement.

Rhys, bleary eyed and sporting a long, striped nightshirt, appeared in the doorway.

“What is all that noi…”  he stopped abruptly and did a double take.

“Philomena, is that really you? Not your ghost?”

“Yes it is me, you great daft thing!” she laughed. “Have you missed me?”

Rhys did not answer. He had no need to; his face said it all.

 “There is going to be a party thrown for me,” she said. “I really want you to be there. Please Rhys.”

“You know that’s impossible,” he replied, sadly.

“No, it isn’t,” said Philomena. “Don’t ask me where I’ve been, but while I was away I learned a great deal. Some of it was even useful.” She paused, briefly, then asked, almost shyly, “do you still have an apprentice?”

Rhys nodded, wondering why she wanted to know. Following the disappearance of his previous apprentice, Gruffyd Davies, who had been revealed to be a selkie, one of the seal-people, Rhys had felt compelled to return, somewhat embarrassed, to the orphanage and ask Miss Calder for another volunteer. The life of a Night-Soil Man can be unpredictable, and sometimes brief, so the presence of an apprentice is crucial, if the line is to remain unbroken.

“Yes, young Naboth Scarhill is shaping up nicely. In another year or so he should be spot-on.”

“I’ve just lost one year of my life, Rhys. I can’t afford to waste another,” said Philomena.

Rhys looked puzzled, “Sorry, you’ve lost me,” he said.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve found you. Give this up, Rhys. If you love me, as I think you do, give up being the Night-Soil Man.”

 “But I…”

“Bartholomew’s grandfather, Randall Middlestreet, did all those years ago. You could too.”

Rhys looked at Philomena for what seemed like an age, digesting her words.

“I could too,” he said, slowly and deliberately.

Drury, who had been quiet all this time, had been around humans long enough to know exactly what was being said. These were the two people whom he loved most in the world, but now they had each other; how could there be any room for him in their plans? If a beating heart had dwelt in his old ribcage, it would have sunk at that moment. Quietly, sadly, he turned around and made to leave.

“Drury,” Philomena called, “don’t go. If Rhys and I live together, there will always be a place for you in our home.”

The dog turned and wagged his bony tail. There was a definite scent of change in the air. A change for the better. Suddenly, it felt good again to be alive.

Tales from the Squid and Teapot

The Raven Stone

Leave a comment

A Tale from The Squid and Teapot

Image by Stephen Candy, Sheepthulhu made by
Lynda McBookaldson

The note pinned to the door had no signature, but Rhys Cranham recognised the writing immediately:
“I have it on good authority that today you celebrate ten years as the island’s Night-Soil Man. With best wishes for many more to come. x “
This message was completed with a charming illustration featuring small birds and meadow flowers, neither of which were common on Hopeless.
“Ah, dear Philomena Bucket,” said Rhys to himself. “I had completely forgotten the date. Ten years… it seems like yesterday…”

Rhys pulled off his cap and scratched his head in amazement.
“Shenandoah, what do you make of this?”
Shenandoah Nailsworthy, the Night-Soil Man, scrambled nimbly over the rocks to where his apprentice was standing, then, as if held by some invisible hand, abruptly stopped in his tracks.
“That wasn’t there yesterday,” Rhys said.
“No,” agreed Shenandoah.
As a breed, Night-Soil Men usually tend to eschew unnecessary chatter.
After a pause of almost a minute, Shenandoah added, “Nobody has seen anything like this for years. Certainly not in my lifetime. I’ve got a bad feeling about it.”
Rhys looked thoughtful.
“I’ve heard the tales, same as everybody else,” he said. “Never expected to see it though. It looks smaller than I imagined.”
“Don’t be fooled,” said Shenandoah, a hint of fear in his voice. “There’s more to this than you know.”

The cause of this unbridled garrulousness was a solitary standing stone, slightly taller than a man, which had sprung up, apparently overnight, on the westernmost side of the Gydynap Hills. Its rugged surface was etched with runic symbols that glowed eerily in the pale moonlight.

After they had finished their rounds, Shenandoah invited the young apprentice into his cottage for a late supper – or it could have been an early breakfast. He motioned for Rhys to sit down, then produced a starry-grabby pie and two bottles of ‘Old Colonel’ from his larder.
“Don’t pay too much heed to the tales you’ve heard, because the truth is, nobody knows why that stone just turns up the way it does,” said Shenandoah. “The last time that it appeared was nearly a hundred years ago, so you and I have seen more of it than any other living soul,” he added, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
The two sat in silence for a while.
“Things don’t just appear for no reason, then go again,” observed Rhys. “It makes no sense.”
“You don’t know that it has turned up here for no reason,” said Shenandoah. “Anyway, strange stuff happens on Hopeless all the time, especially around the Gydynaps.”
His apprentice looked thoughtful and took a long swig of his beer.
“You reckon it’s best avoided?”
Shenandoah nodded.
“Don’t go near it, son,” he said.

Shenandoah sat, lost in deep thought, after Rhys had left the cottage.
He was well aware that his apprentice had no intention of keeping away from the stone. Whatever tales the young man had heard were certainly spurious, and would never serve to save him from the consequences of his own curiosity. Despite what he had told Rhys, the Night-Soil Man had a fair idea why it had appeared at this time. The date was not lost upon him; Midsummer-eve had held a terrifying significance to the Nailsworthy family for almost a thousand years, after his ancestor, the slave Cadman Negelsleag, killed a raven. Because of this insult to Odin, he and his descendants were cursed by a vǫlva – a Norse seeress, a shaman, practised in the old magic. The Nailsworthy family alone knew the terrible fate of Cadman and the secret of the Raven Stone.
Sighing, he dragged on his jacket, and stepped out into the cold air, to find a long, black feather lying on his doorstep. Picking it up, he turned his head slowly, and looked back at the cottage with sadness in his eyes. This was the final clue. There was no cheating fate. It was then that Drury came padding up to him.
“It’s time, Drury.” he said, a tremor in his voice. “Look after him, old fellah.”

There are few things sweeter – at least in the short term – than forbidden fruit. It was inevitable that thoughts of the mysterious stone would prey on Rhys’ mind all through the few hours remaining before first light.
“It could be gone tomorrow, and not back for another century,” he said to himself. “I think I’d like to take a closer look at those markings while there’s the chance; just for a few minutes, no more.”
And so, in the grey of a Hopeless dawn, he slipped out of the bunkhouse that was his home, and made his way towards the Gydynap Hills.

Hopeless is famously foggy, but on this particular day the fog seemed to be worse than ever. Rhys did not mind, at first, enjoying the concealment it provided. Soon, however, it became too dense to walk safely without putting one foot gingerly in front of the other and keeping his arms outstretched. It fuddled his brain, making time and distance seem to expand alarmingly.
After what felt like an eternity, the dim bulk of the Gydynap Hills loomed ahead. The fog before him, where the Gydynaps lay, was beginning to thin, though to his sides and rear it was as thick and impenetrable as ever. Thing started to get weirder by the minute; he could not see the stone now. If it was still there, it was surrounded by a small copse which had apparently sprung from nowhere in a very few hours. In addition, a flock of huge, black birds circled above its branches, cawing ominously. Drawn, as if by some force beyond his control, Rhys felt compelled to venture inside.

Shenandoah’s warning still rang in his ears, but it no longer seemed quite as ridiculous as it had in the cottage. Walking cautiously between the twisted and knotted trunks, young Rhys could swear he could make out a gentle, silver glow, somewhere ahead, as if shafts of moonlight were piercing a dappled canopy of foliage, but he knew that this could not be. The moon had long ago set.

Rhys wandered on for a few more minutes, towards the mysterious light, feeling a little surprised that he had not yet reached the far side of the thicket. From the outside it had appeared to be quite small, but there was no sign of the trees thinning any time soon. He felt suddenly nervous. Maybe it was time to turn around… and then he saw him. A dozen or so yards in front, a familiar figure was standing, bound to the rune stone and bathed in a cold, silver light. It was Shenandoah. He seemed to be wearing a cloak of glossy black feathers; but something told Rhys that it was not a cloak – it was a shroud, a living, fluttering, cawing shroud of ravens that gradually smothered the body of the Night-Soil Man, until not an inch of flesh could be seen.

The young apprentice was about to run towards the writhing mass of feathers when a sharp tug on his jacket pulled him up short.
He turned his head awkwardly to see Drury dragging him back.
“Let go Drury,” he yelled, but the dog was insistent, pulling him through the trees with preternatural strength. With arms flailing to keep his balance, Rhys ranted and swore at the dog, cursing him for a useless bag of bones that he’d toss into the sea as soon as he was free. If Drury understood the tirade – which he probably did – he chose to ignore it until he had moved the apprentice safely out of harm’s way.
Rhys rolled over on to the grass with Drury’s final tug, then leapt to his feet, ready to rush back and somehow tear away those infernal birds and rescue Shenandoah. But the trees were gathering in upon themselves, like a spring being wound. Within seconds there was barely enough space to slip a hand between the tightening trunks, which, little by little seemed to merge into each other, until all that was left was solitary hawthorn, gnarled and twisted, which gradually dissolved into the morning mist.

Rhys was stunned. Shenandoah was gone. Gone! Why had he been there? It made no sense. He dropped to his knees, on to the wet earth, and wept. Great sobs racked his body, his sense of loss so deep and wide that it felt as though nothing would ever be the same again. Then, blinded by hot tears, he felt a wet, furry muzzle nuzzling his neck and a long tongue licking his face. Something primitive stirred deep inside him, responding to the comforting touch of another living thing. Turning, there was only Drury to be seen, hairless and tongueless as ever, but wagging his bony tail as if to say, ‘We’ve still got each other, young friend.”

It took a week, or more, before Rhys felt able to move into the House at Poo Corner. He was the Night-Soil Man now; just eighteen, but after a three-year apprenticeship knew that he was ready. When the time came, he lifted the great lidded bucket, with its leather shoulder straps, from the wall, hefted it on to his back and stepped out into the night, alone on shift for the first time. Then an unmistakable, bony shape came rattling down the pathway, barking and panting. No, he will never be quite alone. Good old Drury.

Hopeless Tales, Tales from the Squid and Teapot

The Apprentice – Part 2

Leave a comment

Rhys Cranham looked aghast as he witnessed his apprentice of two weeks topple from the ruins of Chapel Rock. Young Gruffyd had been standing atop of the ruins when the wraith of Obadiah Hyde, the Mad Parson, had burst screaming from nowhere, causing the boy to lose his balance.
Rhys knew that there was nothing that he could do. It was a drop of a hundred feet, or more, to the sea, which boiled and frothed over hidden rocks. No one could survive a fall like that. The Night-Soil Man dropped to his knees and wept.

Rhys dreaded breaking the news to Miss Calder. She had brought Griff to his door and entrusted him with the boy’s life. He expected anger and disappointment from her; he found neither.
“It was not your fault,” said Miss Calder, laying a spectral hand on Rhys’ shoulder.
“I should have been there… I should not have left him,” said Rhys, bitterly.
The ghostly guardian of the orphanage sighed.
“Rhys…,” she said hesitantly, she rarely called him by his first name. “There’s something not right about any of this. It sounds a strange thing to say, but I don’t think that Gruffyd is dead.”
“No, you’re wrong. You’re just trying to make me feel better. That was too much of a fall.”
“I don’t know what has happened,” she said, “but believe me, I can sense the recently departed, and Gruffyd is not among them.”

Gruffyd Davies had been so shocked by the sudden and noisy manifestation of Obadiah Hyde that it had not crossed his mind that he was imminent danger of falling to his death. Only when he lurched backwards into thin air did the realisation dawn that all was not well. Then the breath was knocked out of him as he landed on something hard; this was not, as he expected, One-Hundred-Feet-On-To-Granite hard but something more organic, more muscular and worryingly suckered.
A tentacle, thicker by far than his own body, held him securely in its grip. This was followed by another that coiled in a serpentine fashion around him, pinning his arms and restricting all movement. He was beginning to wish that he had been dashed on the rocks; it would all have been over by now.
Little by little he was drawn into the bosom, or whatever bit it was, of the creature that held him; all arms, pale eyes and a massive beak. What was it? Then the cold North Atlantic swept over his head. He held his breath, trying to cling desperately on to life for a few more precious seconds. Griff’s fourteen years had been no one’s idea of a perfect childhood, but it had been good to be alive. Alive! It made him think of the song with that chorus ‘Alive, alive-o!’, which, in turn, reminded him of Drury, the skeletal dog. Good old Drury. He would be a good thought to die with. Griff smiled, and as he did, the breath he had been holding on to for so long left his body.

His Body? What was wrong with his body? How wasn’t he dead? Griff – he had liked the way the Night-Soil Man had abbreviated his name – felt himself move within the coils that held him. They were no less tight, but he had become slick and sinewy, fluid as the water itself. He knew that by writhing a little he could easily get free, but strangely, he had no desire to. The constriction had become a loving embrace.
A voice slipped quietly inside his head, an ancient voice, that thrilled him to his very core.
“The sea looks after its own, Gruffyd Davies.”
Then the coils slackened, and suddenly he was alone in the dark water.
For a moment Griff panicked, convinced that he would drown, or freeze to death. But then he realised that he wasn’t cold and his body felt strong and buoyant, and very, very different.
Somewhere close by Griff heard the cries of harbour seals, and something deep within him responded to their call. He called back, but his voice had now become a plaintive bark. The seals answered, as if they had been waiting for him. Dark heads came bobbing through the sea, in welcome. He was home.

There have long been tales of Selkies, seal-people, living around the coast of Maine. Some say that they arrived with the early European settlers. While many would dismiss these stories as no more than folklore, the inhabitants of the island of Hopeless know better. Skin-changers and shapeshifters are a fact of life for them; indeed, one of The Squid and Teapot’s best-loved and most famous barmaids was a Selkie, though few knew it. Like Griff, Betty Butterow grew up in the orphanage and was unaware of her heritage until she was in her teens. Unlike Griff, she stayed on Hopeless.

A year had passed since Griff had fallen from Chapel Rock. During that time Rhys Cranham had shown little desire to replace his apprentice, not trusting that he was capable of keeping anyone safe from harm. If it was possible for a Night-Soil man to become more introverted than his calling demands, then Rhys was that man.
Prior to Griff’s fall, the cottage at the foot of Chapel Rock was one of Rhys’ favourite stops. These days it was his most detested. He would service it with a heavy heart, and leave as quickly as possible, and this midsummer night was no different.
Lost in his thoughts, Rhys made his way down the stony pathway towards the cottage.
“Rhys…?”
The surprise of hearing his name being called tore the Night-Soil Man from his reverie. Who could it be? No one was ever about on the island at this hour… and then he saw him.
The figure standing on the beach was naked, clutching a pelt that gleamed silver in the moonlight.
“Griff… is that you? Where have you been? Miss Calder said you were alive. How…?”
Rhys started to walk towards the boy, then stopped in his tracks.
“Sorry. I forgot about the smell.”
“That’s okay,” said Griff, “I’ll manage. That’s the least I owe you.”

Griff told his strange tale to the bemused Night-Soil Man, who sat in silence while the boy spoke. When Griff finished speaking, Rhys plucked up his courage and asked the question that was hanging in the air.
“So… will you be coming back? To Hopeless, I mean.”
“Not permanently,” said Griff, sadly. “I can’t, not as a human, anyway. Sorry Rhys.”
“I know,” said Rhys. “You’ve found your family. I’m glad for you.”
“I’ll be around, maybe I can turn up here occasionally. Keep an eye out for me.”
“I’ll put some clothes in an oilskin under a rock. You can’t sit here naked. It’s not proper.”
Rhys smiled at his old mentor.
“Thank you,” he said. “And put a clothes peg in as well, please.”