Missing: Desmond Hector.
Found: Regina Higsbottom was found drunk in the woods at the weekend, so that’s one mystery solved.
Deaths: Guinever Frog died peacefully in her sleep, aged 102.
Births: Mrs Erma Chevin has given birth to triplets! Congratulations to all four.
Mongomery Psalms Chevin born Tuesday last and doing well. Parents Eloise Chevin and Marmaduke Corinthians Chevin invite everyone to attend the Christening next Saturday.
And another virtue for the Jones clan – Punctuality Jones, (younger brother to Politeness and Perseverance) arrived in the world on Thursday morning, exactly as expected. Hence the name.
Since the birth of Abigail Looming’s fish child, I’ve not had any reports from new parents about their recent arrivals. Does this mean there have been no births, or that we are overwhelmed with other strange offspring that no one wishes to admit to?
News for the residents of Hopeless, Maine