One of the main characters in the first half of The Gathering is never named. She’s deliberately a manga satire, she’s the big eyed, be-ribboned innocent,  but she’s also something else entirely, and nasty with it. In the script, she’s The Poor Little Me – a reference to the Eliza Carthy song that inspired her. Where that was too clunky, I’ve also called her Ribbons, but she doesn’t really have a name, she’s not that sort of girl.

Ribbons

I will be your friend, your best friend

I bet I’m the first pretty girl who

Ever wanted to be friends with you. I bet

Even the unpopular girls mostly do not want

To be friends with you. You’re so alone.

You are so odd, so awkward, so unlovely

It is as well I am so good and kind.

I’m very generous, everyone says so.

And now I take pity on poor you.

Poor little you, unloved, unwanted. Here I am

For you, here to be yours and in return

You’ll be so glad to do what I want

So happy with anything to make me smile.

Poor you, not much to smile about, is there?

But I can put up with you, I’m so kind

And you will be my best friend, my most

Loyal, devoted, trusting, obedient friend

So grateful because you know you don’t deserve

A friend as pretty and lovely as me.

I will be kind to you and you will say

How kind I am, how nice, how sweet

You will say I am the best, the very best.

I will be patient with your mistakes and failures

You are so slow, and clumsy, and sad.

Poor you. Poor little you. So hard, being you

Never happy, are you? Poor you. So sad.

So hard for me, being around you all the time

So tiring, with never enough joy to feed on

Never enough life in your marrow for me.

But I try, I do my best, it’s so hard

Being your friend, you are so useless

So weak.

Poor me.

Poor little me.

Art by Dr Abbey,